home again

Being a mom sure isn't easy.

Being a mom when your child is sick is even harder.

Being a mom of a child who needs to hospitalized is even worse.

I got a glimpse this past weekend of what that is like.  I felt so many different things.
Disbelief. Fear. Sadness. Happiness. Frustration. Gratitude. Strength. Despair. Tired. Helpless. Scared. That anxious feeling where your stomach drops out.... I could go on.

It was a scary experience having your child strapped up to oxygen and an oxygen monitor that keeps beeping every time his O2 level drops below 90, with an IV for fluids and medications, and watching him cough so hard that his entire body shakes.  And it is so very difficult to sit there as his wide eyes search yours for some kind of comfort as alligator tears stream down his cheeks.

But I put on my game face, and tried so hard to be everything he needed, and still keep everything at home from falling apart. I am so grateful for family and friends that swooped in to help, sent messages, delivered gifts and cards, made sure there was dinner, and offered support. Without all of that help, this whole hairy deal would have been much more stressful.

I am happy to report that Jack's coughing is much less frequent and has dropped on the severity scale from 'body jolting' to a more typical throat clearing.  His breathing also sounds way more normal now.  He has been pretty tired but is back to his typical self.

Switching gears a little bit...

I like to try to be a positive person.  As much as this has all taken a toll on us, I feel like some good came out of this whole experience.  Over the past few months, I have been praying fervently for patience with Jack and for opportunities to strengthen our relationship.  And while I know this whole ordeal was stressful, I feel like we can always grow from adversity.  And I feel like we did grow. Sitting in that scary hospital room, Jack asked me to sit in his bed with him.  I was overjoyed to do so.  He is getting so big and I try not to smother him but I wanted to be near him and to hold him near so badly.  As we sat together, my arm around his shoulder, he told me repeatedly through the night that he loved me. I did all I could to soothe him and to be the rock he needed.  And I came away feeling that our relationship was the better for it.

I feel like this was one of those tests.... the tests that God gives to see how you are going to react. Are you going to freak out and blame Him for letting this happen? or are you going to rely upon your faith and make the best of the situation.  You better believe that this whole thing stressed the crap out of me, but rather than be bitter that Jack was seriously sick, I put all I had into trusting God and nurturing Jack,  and do feel our relationship benefited from this trial.  I never doubted for a moment that Heavenly Father was aware of Jack and his needs, as well as mine.

And while I hope that I never have to do this again, I am happy for the many things we gained through this experience.

a stay in the hospital

A week ago Jack started coughing.  A typical cold, I thought and kinda brushed it off.  Then Sunday at church he started feeling worse and his cough intensified.  He had a slight fever Monday and Tuesday so he stayed home from school.  Wednesday the fever was gone and he seemed to be getting better so I sent him to school.  He was only there for a few hours because the school ended up closing because the water pump broke, so I brought him home.  He coughed but seemed alright so we proceeded with the day.  That night as I went to bed he was especially sluggish, and I heard him just hacking away for a good 20 minutes.  I went in to check on him and to lay with him, hoping having me near would calm him and help him to fall asleep easier.  The longer I laid there, the more worried I got about his breathing and hacking.  He seemed to be breathing really fast and let out an occasional moan.  His whole body would jolt as he hacked away.  He finally seemed to fall into a deeper sleep so I went back to my room to try to sleep myself.  I couldn't stop feeling like this cold was just not progressing as a typical cold would... and that he should be getting better by now, not worse.  I heard him on and off all night, and decided I would bring him in to see the doctor the next day.

Am I ever glad that I did.

I didn't pick up on the fact right away, (because I was a bit distracted with Cass and Isaac who were sick of sitting) but the doctor kept checking Jack's oxygen level.  She took vitals. Checked blood oxygen. Did the physical exam and asked questions, tested oxygen level.  Gave him a nebulizer treatment and sent him to have a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, then checked his oxygen level again.

Then the test results came in.

No pneumonia.

RSV.  As in the Respiratory Sinctyl virus that typically severely affects infants and young children under 2, not 9-year-olds.

But she wasn't messing around.  His O2 level was at 90, and shouldn't be any lower than 94.  The nebulizer treatment he received only brought it up a point or two.  It was difficult to hear any breath sounds.

She recommended he receive some fluids, steroids, oxygen, and aggressive breathing treatments.......... and that he be admitted.  My baby would be spending the night in the hospital!

Somehow I kept it together and formulated a plan.  Andy and I discussed and put the plan into motion.  The kids and I went with Jack as he was admitted.  Isaac only escaped and made it to the other end of the hospital before I could catch up once, before I could hand him and Cass off to Becky.  What a lifesaver!  She swooped in on a moment's notice to get Lucy off the bus, then pick up the others and entertain them.

It was a whirlwind.  He was embarrassed to put on the gown, but did it without complaint.  He was not excited to have his arms pricked, but he was my brave little soldier sitting there with big crocodile tears running down his cheeks as they struggled to find a vein in one arm for an IV and the other arm to collect blood. His eyes silently pleaded with me and if I could have traded places with him, I would have  in a second.

He did his breathing treatments and pretended the end of the mouthpiece was a sword.  He swung it all around, fighting his fears; he directed the smoke at me, around at his own nose, in smoke signals.  He was a good sport.

He actually ate some food at dinner. (he hasn't eaten more than a bite or two in four days and probably lost a few pounds).

As it started getting later he asked me to sit in bed with him.  He kept telling me that he loved me, and even though it was a hospital room we were sitting in, I relished those moments.  Then he told me not to be afraid and showed me his mad 'lightning' skills as he flashed the lights above the bed on and off in a strobe fashion from his bed control.  He was thoroughly enjoying himself by this point. My boy was starting to feel better. We snuggled and watched TV together until it was time for me to go.  Andy and I switched places for the night so he can spend some time with Jack and so I can get Lucy off to school and the kids back to Becky before I return to his side.

I am so glad I went with my gut and decided to take him in today.

chores

Now that the kids are getting a little older we decided it was time to introduce a few more chores.


Top of the list: cleaning the toilets.


I was hesitant to introduce this task since I could only imagine the complaints that would follow.  If only we had known.... that they would ARGUE OVER WHO GOT TO CLEAN THEM!?!  Yep, you heard right. They argue over who gets to clean them.  We have three toilets so that usually keeps everyone happy but this weekend Jack got 2 of them done while Lucy stomped the aluminum cans with Isaac and Lucy started crying because she didn't get to do one.  

Why the hell did we wait so long?!?

Andy demonstrated a very thorough way to clean not only the inside but how to clean the outside as well.  Now all I have to do is hint at the fact that the toilet looks a little dirty.

And not only that, but Isaac insisted on going on outside to help crush the cans! And they had fun!

And you better believe that 26 degrees is reason enough to celebrate spring with a colorful skirt. Heck I even drove with my window part way down.

relaxing

I just love this shot of Isaac and Andy relaxing on our new couch.

We have been updating our family room for the past 3 and a half months and our couch finally made it here! Now that we know how the room looks with it in place we have started putting the other pieces of the puzzle together.  Pictures have been hung, decorations moved, fixtures changed, walls painted, floors carpeted and the final photo arrangement is in the works! I am excited to post some before and after shots soon!

isaac-isms

Now that Isaac speaks in paragraphs, his cleverness is starting to show through.  A few examples:

The kids and I have been struggling with a cough and have vitamin C drops around to help soothe our throats and calm the need to cough.  Isaac picked up on this and came to me, fake coughing. He'd cough, look up at me, and then say "I sick, Mama.  I need medicines!"  I was so impressed in his attempted manipulation that I gave him one.

He has been back numerous times with this crazy cough that can only be heard when he is in need of 'medicines'. Huh.

I gave the boys haircuts this weekend.  This is something that neither of them enjoy.  AT ALL. After I use the clippers I usually trim around the ears with a scissors.  I thought Isaac was distracted so I was going to slyly move in and take a snip here and there til the job was done.  No need to upset anyone unnecessarily, right?  Well, I get 2 snips in when he whips his head around, takes one look at the scissors and exclaims "Those are for PAPER. Not hair!" At least I know he heard me lecturing Cassidy (and understood it too!).

chaperone

Today was a really terrific day.

I dropped the two littlest off at Marta's house and headed off to be with my oldest. 

His class was heading to the Northern Lakes Impact Center for some fun experiences, including some snow tubing!  Jack asked me a few weeks ago, very excitedly, if I would chaperone his field trip.  My first impression was 'dang ... it's outside' , but his enthusiasm was so genuine, (and I figured the day will soon be here when he doesn't want his mom around to embarrass him, so) I did all I could to make sure that it would be possible.

I met the bus after dropping Cass and Isaac off, and he was excited to see me waiting there for him. 

At each of our activity rotations I enjoyed watching him happily interact with his friends. One of the things his teacher told me a few months ago at conferences was what a good friend Jack was.  It made me so proud to watch him.

Brendon and Jack

But what made me even prouder was how he made sure to include me.

ME!

His dorky, picture happy, naggy old mom.
 And he did it without reservation.

At one point we were walking with a group of his friends up a hill after some super fun tubing.  They were all laughing and joking and being 9 year old boys.  Only my boy was holding my hand.

Sometimes I feel like my naggy-ness has affected the relationship that Jack and I have.  I hate to think that.  I love my boy so much.  He and I have different ideas about how things should be done, and he is very outspoken with me if he disagrees.  Long story short, we have had our moments.  But days like this help me to know that the sweet, loving boy that gets overshadowed sometimes is still very alive and kicking underneath the crunchy coating. It is hard to get one on one time when there are 4 baby birds constantly peeping for worms, but experiences like this show me just how necessary and worth making the effort they are!

I am thankful for the moments I get like this with all of my children, no matter how few and far between they may be.  I love them each so very much.

totally rockin' Friday

Friday, you out-did itself.  

You can't start a day much better than today started.  Friday Zumba lit my tail on fire!  I kid you not, I was flying on cloud nine! Sara, our instructor, just brings out the sssssss in my sassss!  By the end of class I am as red-faced as a tomato but you better believe that I leave every ounce of Zumba I can muster out on that floor.  Oh and I even helped to lead a new routine that I found! And I earned the nickname 'Gumby'. It's all good.

So then I walk around feeling good, sporting a smile to everyone I see.  

Even my gynecologist. 

Ok, so I didn't really enjoy my yearly exam (at all... except for when she complimented me on what abs I do still have after 4 children), but the adventure that came along with it was pretty comical.  I couldn't find a sitter on short notice, so I just brought Cass, Isaac, some fruit snacks and a DVD player along with me.  I had them all set up, and the fruit snacks prepped so I could just pass them behind the curtain when the actual exam began.

Fool proof, right?

All was going as planned.  They were sitting in the back corner watching a movie, minding their own business as the doc and I talked about health history and family history and whatnot. I hand them their fruit snacks, which they down in 10 seconds flat, and I kid you not, the moment I got onto the table the DVD player powered off.  Not as in the kids turned it off, as in it just turned off. 

'Moooooom, it turned oooooooofff!'

Then they pour out from behind the curtain they were so obediently sitting behind.  Cassidy's eyes got as big as quarters (I WAS fully robed), and she slinked over to my side.

  'Whaaaaaaat cha doing, Mom?'  *kooky-faced expression*

After I explain I am just getting a check up like she does with her doctor, her eyes scan the table and stirrups.

'Uh..... okay.'

I try to get them to go back behind the curtain and the DVD player powers back up on it's own.  They go back behind the curtain, but their heads keep popping out. Isaac walks out, curious as ever.

'What you wearing, Mom?'

Long story short, we end up calling a nurse to sit with them behind the curtain and keep them interested in the video before the fun begins.

When it was all over, the doc and nurse leave the room and the door doesn't even fully close before I hear laughter and a muffled 'She couldn't have had it set up more perfectly for her kids and the DVD player just turned off and out they came!' 

Glad I could entertain their Friday as well :)

Oh and as we neared the door, Cassidy proclaimed:

'Wait Mom, it is COLD outside. I need to put my gloves on.'