Week off

This week Jack has been off school and home with us. It has been really nice having him around more. We do have our moments, but overall it has been really great. We have been keeping busy. Monday Jack and I re-built a bunch of his Lego Star Wars ships and played legos with the girls for hours! I didn't think it could be that fun, but it was quite challenging finding the right pieces amongst the large bucket full he accumulated and then following the detailed instructions. The joy on his face once we found and assembled all the pieces was so worth it. Yesterday we went to see Tangled with Meela and Kamryn and our friends the Kaufmans-- it is perhaps the cutest movie Disney has put out in a long time. The kids enjoyed their popcorn and soda as they watched the flick. Cassidy was really into it-and at one point in the movie when Rapunzel kisses her prince, Cassidy turned around (she was on my lap), grabbed my face with her little hands and pulled it close, said, "Kiss mama!" and planted a little kiss on me. Very sweet :)(But also a wake up call as to how easily movies and images they see can impact children!)

We have been able to spend some time outside sampling icicles and playing in the snow since it has warmed up a bit, and Jack and Andy have had ample time in the evenings to go fishing at the shack since bed time can be pushed off when there is no school the next day. We were able to visit Great Grandma and Grandpa Lehman and get a picture with Grandpa and all his great grandchildren. He and grandma were so pleased to have us all there to sing songs and play with. While we were up visiting we found two giant snowmen- I mean giant! Like 2 stories high! Cassidy was a bit hesitant but Lucy and Jack were very interested.

I am really enjoying these laid back days. We can sleep in and I can snuggle my kids in bed rather than have to wake up early to prepare for the bus and school day. I am so grateful for my family and for this time we have to spend together.

Christmas Morning

A few pictures of Christmas morning.

The kids actually slept until about 7:45 Christmas morning and then after a small reminder about what today was, they were off like a flash and down the steps, oohing and aahing.

I love this one. I think Jack's exact words were," A video game? A video game? But I can't have video games! I really got a video game?? YEAH!" Yep. Dad has to train you young. 'Big Buck Hunter' it is.

Lucy proudly displays her hot pink tip up! You can't live in the northwoods, and have a dad who owns an ice shack, without owning your very own tip up. (Cass got one too!)

Cassidy has been asking for a "locket in pocket"- actually a Dr. Seuss "Wocket" for as long as they have been out at Kohl's. Every time we'd go shopping there she'd have to hold one. When we'd shop anywhere else, she would ask for one as well. Then when 'Santa' finally took the hint and went to buy one, they were sold out here! so he had to use his networking skills to locate one in Milwaukee.

Christmas Eve Catch

I love my boys

Roller Coasters

I have very fond memories of riding roller coasters at Great America and Disney World with my Dad when I was a child. I loved the rush as we sped along, getting pulled right and left, then dropped until our stomachs felt as if they'd fall out. Mom usually had her fill just watching and Jenny... well Jenny was a frady cat:) I have loved roller coasters all of my life. Up until this last one I have been riding for the past month. It started with a post I added about 3 weeks ago. I was on a natural high going to see my OB for the first time. That feeling plummeted when there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound. As I climbed my way back up, coping with this devastation, I decided closure is what I needed for my mental and physical health. I was braced for a catastrophic event following the first dose of medication. Which never happened. I received the second dose, and the doctor and I thought it had worked. I was feeling like I was on the mend, emerging from the fog that had me feeling as if I was lost- in slow motion. Then I got the phone call a few days later telling me lab results indicated that I had indeed NOT miscarried, and went in to receive the ultrasound to prove it. Now I had to make the choice to either wait it out for nature to take it's course or have the D&C (since I am in the lucky 10% of people who do not respond to the medication). Since I have been an emotional basket case facing these ups and downs, suffering from migraines and crying streaks, I decided with Andy's loving input and prayer that it would be best to get this all over with. I have never had surgery before, and even though this is a low risk, outpatient procedure, I was scared. It was scheduled for yesterday... "Merry Christmas to me" was how I felt, wallowing. I received a priesthood blessing from Andy and my father in law and felt comforted and knew that my Father in Heaven knew what I was going through and would not give me more than I could handle.

I had Kaleb, my incredible brother in law to watch the kids, and my equally wonderful sister in law Abby to accompany me to the hospital. (Andy had a packed schedule due to holiday closings at the practice). I was getting ready yesterday morning, when I felt something I hadn't before. I wasn't sure, but once again I thought I was miscarrying. They arrived just in time and 30 minutes later I found myself at the women's clinic, feeling woozy and light headed. The nurse got me a wheelchair just in time- my hot flashes intensified, as did the queasiness and nausea, and that is when Abby recounts I turned white (and reminded her of Edward!), then yellow, then a few shades of green and then passed out. I had lost a lot of blood but was not in any danger. It was a very uncomfortable feeling for a few minutes, but I knew I was in good hands. I am so thankful for Jess my angel nurse who was there for me through the entire event, and for Abby who stood in as my Mom- learning way more about me than she probably ever wanted to know- nevertheless doing it with grace and love.

So now it IS over. I avoided surgery.... I was not given more than I could handle and I know that angels were placed in my way that day and throughout this whole event to help me get through it. It sure wasn't easy but I still feel some good has come out of this. Strengthened relationships, increased appreciation for all I am blessed with and a greater love for my Father in Heaven who I know was watching, making sure I was well cared for despite this trial that I needed to face. So I am on my ascent now, heading for a much smoother ride. Christmas is tomorrow and I get to celebrate it with my 4 favorite people.

Merry Christmas to all.

SNOW!

It seems like you get snow pretty much every day up here. This week we got another 8 inches or so-- Bringing our total right now to around 2 feet! It is gorgeous but we usually end up dodging plow trucks as we are waiting for Jack's bus in the morning.

The long trek down the driveway towards the bus stop

One flick of the branch and the snow storm starts all over again

Jack and some of his good friends, Bowen and Elise. They love to frolic in the snow as they wait for the bus for school.

Christmas In Milwaukee

Shopping for goodies

hanging the candy canes... and sampling a few

Grandma has the magic touch when it comes to getting sleepy

Carter is not amused that he has a princess tiara on.

Church mice

Aren't these just the cutest? My sweet friend brought some church mice over for the kids ... I couldn't resist taking a few pictures before they devoured them.

Blessings

I am feeling so blessed right now. I think I have finally emerged from the fog... and know I can move on now. I am so thankful for my husband who has been such a support to me. I can clearly see how adversity can make you take a step back and appreciate what you have, cause relationships to grow even stronger, and can increase one's faith.

I am so thankful for you all- for your thoughts, letters and prayers on our behalf. I am truly feeling some of the spirit that this time of year is all about.

Cassie Lou Who

Do you see a resemblance??

The stocking was hung...

Jack came home from school with this great stocking he made. They were given toy catalogues, told to cut out what they wanted, glue it on then write the name of the toys next to the picture. I love to see things like this because Jack does not like to show me that he knows anything. Since he was a little kid he would never recite or want to practice anything academic. When he was really little the only way I knew he knew what his colors were was because he would ask for a certain color of M&M, I would give him another color and he would get mad, say "BROWN!" (or whatever color he wanted) and take a brown one. So when I get things like this from school, my worries are calmed because he can do it and he does for his teacher.... just rarely for me.

I love how he sounded out the names of his favorite toys:

at at = a at

ship= ship

(nintendo) DS = de es

Bakugon (which he actually calls a battlegon)= badlgon

Jack just loves kindergarten and I am so glad he got Ms. Kaster as his teacher. :)

Becky Kelley - Where's the Line to See Jesus - OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

This past weekend my wonderful sister-in-law Hiedi invited all 8 of her nieces and nephews over to her house to make Christmas cookies, watch Christmas movies, drink hot cocoa and enjoy some Christmas spirit together. The kids had just an awesome time... and I had 5 hours to do whatever I wanted while my kids were well cared for.

While we were there she introduced me to this song that I just fell in love with.

What an incredible, well needed message this time of year.

One long week

This has had to be one of the longest weeks of my life. It all started Monday morning. A morning filled with joy and anticipation-- I had been waiting for this day for a few weeks. I walked into a new doctor's office with a feeling of pride, renewal and happiness (and also a bit of nervousness but I think that this is usually the case when you are going to see someone new). This new doctor happened to be my new OB. I was happy to be carrying my fourth child- very evidently in my opinion for just a little over 8 weeks. My body knew what it was supposed to do. I was beginning to love my new shape, and starting to wear shirts that accentuated it. I had begun telling more people that I was expecting. I mean, I had 3 healthy children.... why not?

So I went through the usual family history and health questions. No sweat. I completed the internal exam. Not fun but no issues. I mentioned I hadn't been sick yet- so I was a little worried, but figured it would hit one morning soon. The doctor said all looked good and sent me on my way to ultrasound to determine a due date. The big moment had finally arrived- I would get to see my baby's bright, flickering heart beating on the screen just as I had for Jack, Lucy and Cassidy. Only it wasn't there..... 20 more seconds.... still not there..... I stared at the screen pleading inside my head that the tech would find the right spot soon so I could breathe. That breath would only come when I turned my head to look away to the wall... trying to comprehend what I had just not seen. The happy flutter I so anxiously awaited was not there. Blood tests confirmed that baby had indeed passed away a few weeks before... only my body had not realized it yet.

My week has kinda been in slow motion ever since. The rest of Monday I was a zombie... followed by most of Tuesday. It felt like I was walking around but I wasn't really there. All I wanted was to hold Andy and the 3 wonderful children I already had. I can't express how thankful I am to have them. They are truly what has gotten me through. Lucy has a special sense.... she just knows when I am feeling sad and she comes over and wraps her little arms around my legs, or sits on my lap, places a soft kiss on my forehead, and tells me she loves me. It amazes me how in tune she is... she is only 4.

The one thing I am thankful for in this experience is how this trial has helped me to see how lucky I am to have the kids I do. It can be so easy to take things for granted... and I appreciate them so much more now. I am hanging in there. It isn't easy but I know I will get through.

I know this is a personal post, but I really feel it is part of my healing process... going through it in my head... coming to terms with all of it and realizing some good came out of it. This doesn't have to be the end of the road in my hopes for a larger family, but perhaps a resting point where I can enjoy and appreciate what I have for a bit before moving on. I hope my experience can help someone else facing a personal trial to see that good can come from all things...

Jack's Concert

Jack had his Christmas concert at school this week. He sang a few songs with his class and then there was a big sing-a-long for everyone.

Whenever you go to concerts like this you see a couple different kinds of kids. Those that just stare at the audience, those that pick their noses and those who are so excited they sing their hearts out and participate in the hand motions and all. I am proud that Jack still likes to sing and participate. I am guessing when he gets older he'll think he is "too cool" for that so I am going to soak it up while it lasts.

Goofin' with Cass at the sing-a-long.

Sleeping Beauties

Every night I find my girls snuggled together. This is them tonight.

Christmas Dress

Lubelle is my little girly girl. She loves to twirl and dance and look pretty. Here are a few pictures of her in her Christmas dress.

Gingerbread house

We continued our tradition of making a gingerbread house this year. The kids just love making it. Cassidy managed to pop the bag of mini jawbreakers so we spent 15 minutes picking up about 100 little balls from the floor before we decorated but it turned out nice in the end.

I just love this picture-- I can't tell you how many times that Jack has asked to eat some.

The tree

This past weekend we went to Bergmann's Tree Farm to cut our very first Christmas Tree. This is the first time in 10 years that we have had space for a real tree. We looked around for about 10 minutes then Jack picked out a beautiful tree.

Jack helped push the tree over as Andy cut it down.

I just love the smell of fresh pine in the house. And now that the tree is wired to the wall it is staying put.

Tinkle Tinkle Little Star

It all started Monday night when we were at my niece Brittiny's basketball game. Cassidy was scared by the buzzer. I mean scared. So she would tolerate as much as she could then talk my other niece Miranda into taking her into the hallway. One time they came back from their trip and Miranda told me that Cass said she had to pee, so she took her into the potty and sure enough she did it. The next day she went again.... and since then she has been going pretty regularly. Here is the amazing part. I can forget to take her to the potty- or in the case this morning take her to Adventure Alley so I could go to my Zumba class, then bring her home 2.5 hours later find a dry diaper, put her on the pot and she goes. There have been numerous times she has been dry after 2 or 3 hours-- having a diaper on doesn't seem to matter to her. (Her brother and sister took FULL advantage any time they were wearing a diaper.) I have to say potty training just gets better. I went from 2.5 years to Lucy's 2 weeks to Cass who is rivaling Lucy's training. Pheew.

Tender moments

It took me awhile to download my pictures from Thanksgiving, but I found a few sweet pictures I was really happy to have:)

My future Rockette- dancing along to the Macy's Day Parade performace. Like her pearls? She specifically packed them from home to wear for this special occasion.

Tickle toes with GrandmaIt is hard to catch Carter in a moment of stillness. Cass took advantage of this opportunity.

And this is perhaps my favorite. It was evening and the room was pretty dark except for the corner where Cassidy and Grandpa were reading. Dad has always been a favorite storyteller of the kids. I just LOVE this picture.
And yes, I realize Cass seems to be my primary subject. I think it is because she is not old enough to contest me when I get my camera out.

A peek at the future

I couldn't help but think of how this could translate to 10 years down the road. He's going to want his own sports car... only the girl in the front seat with him will probably not be his sister.

Quote of the day

Jack and Lucy have been playing really nicely this afternoon- much better than they usually do after he gets home from school. I was feeling pretty good about it, then I heard this:

"Knock it off Lu, ya foron!"

I am pretty sure he meant to say moron... a word we do not use here. I guess I have his school friends to thank.

Thanksgiving

The kids and I spent a relaxing Thanksgiving down with Grandma and Grandpa this year while Andy chose to hunt. We packed a lot into our trip- including a visit with friends, T-giving dinner with Great Grandma and Grandpa R, mom and dad and my sister's family, Black Friday madness (and great deals!), a trip to Candy Cane Lane to see the lights, and Elaina's birthday party. It was so nice to be back for a visit to see all those who we missed.

Although I am a little late, I was thinking about some of the things I am most thankful for this year... here is what makes the top of the list: My family, and extended family, Andy's thriving practice, our spacious home and yard, our health and safety, my brother-in-law serving a mission for our church in Tennessee, my mother-in-law -- a brave woman battling a terrible disease and the doctors that are helping her find her way back to a healthy, happy life, friends- old and new -who make life all that much more colorful, all the babies that surround me (near and far) that serve as a reminder of what a miracle it is to bring a child into the world -- and how innocent and sweet their presence can be, and finally to know that my family can be together forever.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Crafts

It seems like when we moved, I brought along several boxes of Christmas and Halloween decorations- but no Thanksgiving decorations. So I decided to remedy that.

The first thing I made was this set of blocks. They are painted, stencilled, and then mod podged with scrap book paper.

I am a fan of Primitive decorations and I have this special infatuation with folk art dolls. I had seen some of these Native American and Pilgrim dolls online, and just had to have some. I made a pattern and a few adjustments to make them my very own and I am very happy with how they turned out.

I don't blame you if you think they are quite odd. Most people probably would. Can't explain why I like art like this. I just do. And Andy has to put up with it!