the injustices of being a little brother

'look Mom!  I can hold Isaac now!'

titles

What is it about a title?  They kinda scare me.  Sure, I'll own the title of Mom.  And sister. Wife.  Daughter.  Why is it so hard for me to accept the title of Photographer?  If you couldn't tell, I love to take pictures.  And having my new camera (it's not a year old yet... so it's still new) has just amplified that fact.  I love that I can include them on my blog posts and dang I really need to get on printing some out for my house.  I am not professionally trained, but I love to read other peoples blog and tutorials and I get practice every day.  I am feeling much more comfortable with the basics of Photoshop, and feeling more and more confident in my ability to achieve quality final images.  And I have had others compliment me on my photos and ask me to take pictures of their children and families.  I have to admit that I accept these requests with a humble feeling in my heart. I love to be able to share my talent with others and am honored that people would trust me to capture something as precious as the first few days of their newborn's life.


Tonight I got to shoot a sweet senior's senior portraits.  It was really an honor to me that someone would feel my ability is high enough to want me to capture this moment in time for them.  When I got home I quickly uploaded (all 280!) shots I took and started looking through them for those that stood out.  I edited one that I just loved and posted it on Facebook for her mother to see.... a little sneak peek that I usually like to do.  But I had the hardest time putting a little watermark on my shot. I just sat there for a while... like 'do I do it?'  I have had this internal struggle with this for awhile.  I see such fabulous photography on the web and I am a little intimidated and scared to put myself out there in fear of someone telling me 'I'm not good enough' or worse yet, have someone thinking that I am bragging. I am not trying to be some fancy pants big shot-- and I really don't want people to view me as trying to be that. Tonight was the first time I added my mark.  And the statement was made:  'I am a photographer'.   For right now I am happy clicking away at my children and taking pictures for occasional friends as well.  But my hope is that as I grow as a photographer, and as my children grow and are all in school, that perhaps this could turn into a little bit more.  Maybe adding this watermark could help that to happen by putting my name out there. Who knows. Time will tell.  All I really want to do are those things that I enjoy.  And I enjoy taking pictures.

all gussied up

 Sometimes my big boy surprises me.  For as long as I can remember he has disliked wearing dressy clothes.  This past Sunday I set out his usual polo and khakis while he was in the shower.  I just about fell over when he walked into the room with his white shirt (that he had to dig to find in his closet because I had about given up on) on and a tie in his hand.  He looked so grown up.... made his mama take a step back and tear up! Then a moment later he ran back up stairs.  He came down with another smaller tie for Isaac to wear.  That boy is so proud of his little brother.  This also makes his mama wanna tear up :)

from his look in this picture, I think Isaac is as proud of his big brother as Jack is of him :)
ps. love Jack's crooked clip on!

popsicles

On a hot day, it is amazing what a popsicle can do.

 Hannah and Grace spent most of the day with us and the girls wanted to be outside despite the humidity and heat.  In between riding bikes, kicking balls around the yard, blowing bubbles and playing in the sand box they cooled off in the sprinkler and ate a few popsicles.  

Gracey-Gru

Hannah Banana

Little D

Lulubelle

rainy day

Today was a bit colder and rainier than what we've been used to lately.  We spent our day at home catching up on our reading and other schooling, cleaning, crafting and cooking.  The bit of coldness in the air gave me a good excuse to whip up some comforting cauliflower cheese soup and homemade bread. mmm!  The girls took advantage of the rain and chose to pretend they were one of Barbie's 12 dancing princesses.  (Note that Cassidy 'didn't want to get her feet dirty' so she dug out her winter boots. Please also note that on any other day her mother has to practically beg her to get shoes on her dirty little feet).  

To keep Isaac out of mischief these days, I pulled out the good ole' pots and pans and the kids played a few tunes. Otherwise he commando crawls/scoots at an amazing rate of speed over to either the computer cables and cords, the door jam (which isn't so bad if you can tune out the booooiiiinnngggg noise) or the DVD player which he has figured out has buttons to push.  How do they figure these things out so fast!? Ah yes, and today I sat back and made a point of noticing the good things about the day and made an extra effort to compliment my kids when they were being good.  It was a good day:)

Cass keeping it real. And it isn't even Halloween.
 Don't know what I have to do to keep a shirt on her... but I better figure it out!

pick-me-up

We went to the library today for another amazing free event.  Snakes Alive! was there with some cool reptiles to learn about.  What took the cake for the whole event for the kids was the alligator that they got to pet.  What took the cake for me was a comment I got from someone there.  We had gotten there a few minutes early (I know... what? we were early?) and the kids were looking at the books. Lucy was reading me a book when one of my friend's husbands who I don't know all too well, but know well enough, came over and told me I made him feel bad.  I knew he was joking but really had no idea what he was talking about. So I asked just how I angered him and his answer made my day.  "I don't know how you do it.    I just watched you get all four kids out of your car and calmly get them inside.  No one tried to run into traffic, no one was fooling around... I can't handle my two without someone running in front of a car. You make it look so easy.You must be super mom." *grin.  No, *superbiggrinwithteeth grin.  I don't know what it has been lately- maybe the heat, maybe the fact that all four kids are with me every second of every day (even when I pee it seems)- maybe that I am hard on myself- or maybe it is just more noteworthy when I am yelling or the kids are misbehaving rather than behaving- but that is not the vibe I've been feeling up in here.  I have had too many moments like this one at Walmart recently: we are leaving after an hour and a half of grocery shopping.  All 5 of us.  Isaac slung over my arm in his car seat because there are too many groceries to fit him back in the cart.  The other 3 are all sitting on the front thingy (on the carts made for us lucky people who get to shop with multiple kids... only the cart is still too little for all my kids who I calculated add approximately 150 combined pounds) Jack is whining he is hungry.  Cassie is tired and mad.  Lucy falls off the cart into the parking lot because we shoved 3 kids onto a seat for 2 and is shrieking.  I scoop her back up and throw her into the cart.  I was nearly cursing under my breath as another mother walking by zones in on my frustration. "We've all been there!" she yells in an attempt to make me feel better.  I can only imagine what look I had on my face.  God bless this woman too, because I was about to fall apart.   I guess my point in all of this is that it dawned on me that the bad times tend to stick in my mind more than the good ones do, and I really needed this pick-me-up today.  Because I hadn't even noticed my kids were being well behaved until someone else pointed it out. Sometimes it is little things like this to help me realize that my kids really don't argue all the time, and they do listen to me too.  So thank you Doug-You have inspired me.  I am going to keep my eyes open, because I know there are other women out there in need of a little pep talk as well.

road trip

Saturday we took a road trip to Green Bay to see some special friends.  I have to admit that I am jealous of friends who can go on road trips all the time with their kids.  Because I was ready (as was Andy) to drop them off at the next wayside.  They are NOT good travelers together. AT ALL. Poking, singing (just to annoy another sibling), yelling, kicking chairs, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Even with a DVD player to distract them.  (which they ended up losing because they were so naughty, btw, oh that and TV and computer privileges for the next day too.)

Then the excruciating 2.5 hours was over.  And all was well.

from two college couples (15ish years ago) to two families of six!
l. to r. Lucy, Andy, me, Isaac, Cassidy, Olivia, Jack, Carter, Jeremy, Kristy, Natalie and Julia

Our annual goofy picture.  If you don't participate, I will decorate for you ANDY. 

 Once we arrived at Kristy and Jeremy's all was well.  Our kids match up in ages pretty perfectly so they were off and playing which left us adults plenty of time to catch up and laugh together.  I love being able to just sit down and talk after 8 months and have it be like we saw them last week.  The kids had fun out in the yard riding bikes, playing ring toss, breaking a pinata, playing games and running races.  

popping a wheelie on the 'rip rider'

Can't wait til next time!

eight months

Who is eight months?  This guy!  And this guy is also bound and determined to be in a full on crawl before he turns nine months.  He is quite creative in his breakdancing moves to get from point A to point B, and scoots nicely when he isn't rocking or bridging... or pretending he is a cute little froggy swimming on the floor.  This guy is happy with a capital H.  HAPPY.  He still likes to get his mom up to make her feel wanted about 3 times a night, which she feeds right into, and is still the ideal fourth child. Easygoing is an understatement.  He just started waving 'hi' a few days ago and babbles a bunch.  He is to the point where he practices his contortionist moves while I try to change his diaper, and hasn't ever refused any type of food he's been given. We still haven't seen any of those teeth yet... I keep thinking soon!  We all love you so much Zeekie!

Nephi's Courage

don't mind the Dora's...

During Sharing Time at church, the kids are learning so many new songs. I am too for that matter! (I joined the church as an adult thus never learning many of the 'core' Primary songs). Lucy and Cassidy are in the younger children's sharing time with me (since I teach Lucy's class their Sunday school lesson each week) and I get to see my girls just light up as they are singing along to the songs. Cassidy has always been a fan of songs with actions associated and Nephi's Courage happens to be one of them. When we were out at the lake, I wanted to try to get a good picture of Cassidy for the wall since those I took in Milwaukee of her didn't turn out that great. I got some of her usual sass, and then remembered that she loved that song, and that she lit up when she sang it. So I did a little fishing and I started singing. And she took the bait...

And low and behold:

life's little luxuries

When you are a mother of four, life is crazy busy about 99.9% of the time.  I do have to admit that I am pretty fortunate, and I do get to go on dates with my husband a time or two per month, but when I am not spending a night on the town, I am typically working on something around the house.  I usually have at most, an hour free for me. (plus the occasional FB check)  Since Isaac was born the busyness factor seems to have really picked up, and add summer with all four kids home and you reach a whole new level of crazy busy.  So what do I do when I can catch a couple minutes to myself?  There are a few luxuries in which I like to indulge...

1.  Blogging.  That is probably the thing I love to do most both because I just love that this blog becomes a family journal that we'll have for years to come and because I just love my family to pieces and writing about them makes me smile.  There are a lot of pictures that go into posts, so going along with blogging is ....
2. Editing pictures.  I recently took a class through the local technical college to help me learn some more tricks on Photoshop.  I'll be honest: the complicated bugger had me on YouTube watching video after video trying to figure out how to do something and the next thing I knew it was midnight and I hadn't even edited one picture!  But I do like taking my pictures to the next level.  And I am learning.   That is unless I just don't have time to edit, and therefore just upload the pretty little naked pictures and hope that someday I am not disappointed I didn't take the time (aka lose sleep to edit for posterity).
3. Reading a magazine.  I love Country Living, and ooooh Better Homes and Gardens, and Real Simple.  And I have a stack of magazines that are just waiting, pleading, to be picked up and looked at.  I had a little time today and actually got a rush and this burst of energy that made me want to be creative and make something. (and when I ran to Menard's for something for Andy this evening, I almost bought some wood for a little project... until I remembered I probably wouldn't get to it until fall or that dreaded winter... and even by then Isaac would be walking and into everything so even if the kids are in school I will not be able to take my eyes off him.... so I moved on.)
4. Napping.  Why are you laughing?  Once in a blue moon I can catch a power nap if a)Isaac is napping b)my chores are all mostly done c)the kids want to watch a movie.  Oh who am I kidding?! THEY BEG FOR MOVIES EVERYDAY.  I guess it is only when they have their daily reading done, rooms clean and I feel they have earned one.
5.  Late night shopping.  By late night I mean 7pm.  And shopping?  Kohl's is as good as it gets.  But just stepping into the store alone and taking a deep breath is rejuvenating.  Heck, I might just go try something on just because there is no one to punch anyone else or look under the door into someone else's stall, or go hide in a rack and freak her mom out...

Someday I will look back at this and laugh.  But for the here and now-  These are luxuries.

library

When we moved here from Milwaukee we left behind 'our library'.  Milwaukee's downtown central library was only a walk away for the kids and I and it was a favorite place to go.  They offered neat programs and activities for the kids and had a stellar selection of books.  I just loved that library and was sure whatever we were moving to, since it was in a small town would be inferior.  But I have been SO VERY WRONG.  The library here far exceeds anything I could have hoped for.  The staff are fantastic and somehow remember every kid by name.  The programs, storytimes and special events are so great!  And any book you could ever want is at your finger tips. We go to storytime every chance we get.  We got to see Children's singer Tom Pease recently and the kids laughed til their faces turned red.  We also went to see Peter Pan by the Traveling Lantern Company, an event sponsored by the library two weeks ago.  Coming soon:  the worm races!

Tom Pease

is this guy for real?!

Story Time

Peter Pan

freckle face

One of the features I love most about Jack are his abundant freckles.  Seems like each year he gets more and I make a big deal out of them, and he loves that.  Here is my sweet freckle face.

And his side kick, mr. sassypants

I don't know if I have ever taken a picture of Jack where I don't have at least 5 of him making a face like this with it. :)

cream

The number one reason to eat Zippy's donuts on a hot day (or any day) :

The cream runs down your face providing you with a few more moments of heaven when you realize the donut is gone, but the cream is not.

ski skillz

We headed out on the boat one day to give the kids a chance to try out thier new water ski trainer. Andy did a bunch of research on different kinds and finally decided that this one- a single piece of 'U' shaped wood was our best bet. I'll say! While the look on her face isn't the most quaint, Lucy took off on the first try and did a complete loop around the lake. Jack did a great job as well and was much more confident. Cass was happy to float on the shore:) 

 We also played out in the lake and did some tubing.  The girls were afraid and pretty much had their heads buried in my chest the entire ride.  Jack was brave and went alone... but there was a limit to the speed he was willing to endure.

We found the most gorgeous wild shore to play along too.  It was the perfect soft sandy beach to play on and there were some neat pieces of driftwood around to explore.

 Pre-trip:

Cassidy tries to console

get me out of this *%!^^^%$## thing!

During trip: Our happy little froggy- who kicked and kicked

ok, I guess the life jacket was worth it

proud to be an Ameri-Khan

We spent the fourth of July holiday and most of the remainder of that week out at the cottage.  We headed out the night before, and Andy and I basked in the air conditioning while we slept.  We headed to the Eagle River parade the morning of the fourth with Hiedi and Chris and sweated like crazy.  The kids enjoyed scrambling for candy and the floats that were adorned with squirt guns were a favorite.  The loud sirens and horn blasts from the firetrucks ranked low on their lists.   The 97 degree weather was hot and humid enough to induce a sticky, yucky tingly coma-like state. Thankfully, the misery was soon cured by one of what would turn into many, dips in the lake.  That afternoon we were joined by our friends the Bitters, and Macie, Vijai and the girls.  The kids splashed in the lake for 6 hours straight- and emerged for just long enough to munch on a hot dog, spit a few watermelon seeds and slurp down a soda.  The adults got in a few games of sand volleyball (and I was in my glory!), took the occasional dip in the lake and dined on grilled steaks and other picnic delicacies.  The night was capped off with the guys shooting off some fireworks.  I don't know who was more excited by this: Jack or Andy, Jake and Andrew.  They ran around like they were all 7 years old trying to catch the parachutes after the fireworks went off, trying to skip bottle rockets across the water and shooting roman candles into the air.

I do believe that Cass told me she had just peed in the water as I was taking this... lol!

 It was a fun day, but perhaps the best thing about the day was the excitement that we all held in our hearts.  As the kids swam, and the adults chatted, relaxed and played a few games of volleyball, something special was happening.  In a very reverent, calm, composed manner- a manner in which the outsider would have had no idea (until the last half hour or so), a sweet spirit was getting ready to make his way to earth.  His mommy sat quite reserved, and in tune with what was going on inside of her.  A casual tightening of her hands around the arms of the chair she sat in, and an occasional glance at her phone clock were all anyone may have noticed.  From the inside she was obviously experiencing a whirlwind of events; from the outside she was the perfect model of grace and peacefulness.  I felt giddy inside knowing that the newest member of out extended family would soon be here.  After about 4 hours of contractions every 10 minutes, and 1 hour of contractions every 5 minutes, Macie and Vijai slipped away to the hospital, arriving just in time to receive an epidural and give birth to their son, at 9:17pm.   Trumping all of the excitement of the day was the birth of Deakon Lindner Khan, weighing 7 lbs, 8 oz.  

2 for 1

It doesn't happen very often that I capture 2 milestones on 1 picture.  Well, here you have it:

not a huge fan of the grass... saying 'Mama!' aka pick me up Mama!

Can you tell what they are?  One is quite obvious... if you look at the position he is in.  The other is more obvious if you look at his lips. 
1.  He is starting to want to crawl... and rocks like crazy on those chubby little thighs.  And usually ends up flat on his belly but he gets where he wants to go!
2.  And he says Mama.  With meaning!  At first I thought it was just the usual ma ma da da ba ba kinda language.  Then it seemed he did it while making eye contact, with meaning. And more than what seemed to be just coincidence. So I asked Andy if I was in a motherhood-induced state (the kind where you think your kid is an absolute genius far exceeding what any 'checklist' offers as typical for everything they do...) while making said judgement (he would no doubt tell me if he thought it was in my head) and he agreed that Isaac is using ma ma in the Mama form to get my attention.  Not just a sound.  With meaning.  For ME!  And that makes me so happy! and then so tired because he now calls for Mama at night instead of just whining.  And that makes it that much harder to ignore.

mama-razzi